Tara: I will be taking PTO next week…
Harvey: We’re screwed.
Bill: Request DEE-NIED!
Tara: I could very well show up on Monday and say I DIDNT GET MY DARNED PARIS VACATION AND I’M MAD!
Greg: I think I’m gonna weld this guy’s mouth shut
Paul: I wish I could do that to you.
Paul: Hey Greg, you got the Upscale Fem done? She got any extra bones?
Greg: You might open that file and look up her skirt, she might have a bone there.
Whitney: If I could count all the codpieces I’ve seen in this industry.
Monte: Is Prague in Germany?
Andy (months later): I think Prague is in the Netherlands
Monte (to Clay – playing DX1 mp): Squat before you do it dude, seriously!
Ricardo (also to Clay): Drop it dude!
Monte (to Clay) Thanks, dude!
Ricardo: What the hell?! BM stands for bowel movement?
Chad: Why would you wear a Hawaiian shirt that isn’t loud?
Alex D: Why would you wear one at all? Unless you’re at a Jimmy Buffet concert.
Chad: In my mind, I’m always at a Jimmy Buffet concert.
Scott (sick, after taking a nap): I still feel like crap, but now I feel like wide-awake crap.
Warren: Well, Alex needs to talk to Dan, but maybe we should show them Deus Ex multiplayer first.
Randy: Right, shoot first, ask questions later.
Monte: Gosh dang this f*cking frame rate.
Steve: If you’re going to say f*cking, then why use the gosh dang? Go for the gusto.
Harvey: Monte has slowly turned over to the dark side.
Warren (at Christmas):In my best of all possible worlds, we’d work a full day but, afterwards, head straight on home, canceling the party.
Harvey:Part of intelligence is knowing when someone else’s version of reality is more accurate than yours.
Brian Glines: Where the hell’s my shotgun?!
Warren: We’ll have these company meetings until everyone realizes they are a complete waste of time.
Warren (at a Friday meeting): We’re thinking about taking the entire company to a movie at the end of next week.
Ian: Could we get a week’s notice on that?
Warren: This is a week’s notice…
Monte: This wouldn’t be an issue if Ian had a chair.
Bill: ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.
Clay:: All your bonus are belong to us.
Harvey:”Just because a man knows how to deep throat doesn’t mean he’s gay.”
Bill: “In Oregon, the cops used to tazer the tree-huggers in the groin”
Bill: “Never try to fight a god at 4 in the morning.”
Harvey: “I was surprised, most of the people at GDC this year looked normal. I only saw one person wearing knee-high moccasins. One guy was wearing a bright yellow top hat, too.”
Monte: “And then you asked Steve to take all that off?”
Monte: “With all of the parts of your brain put together you couldn’t save [the sequel to that terrible game].
MAHK: “Masochistic Buddhism: Life is suffering, but suffering can be fun.”
Monte (through ICQ): “I may need to take Monday off.”
Harvey: “NO!”
Monte: :…(
Harvey: 8===>
Monte: You have a strange smile, sir.
In reference to a visual object placement and style.
Den: So, you like it when it goes, “wuupish”
Ricardo: Don’t use that advanced terminology around me.
Den: So maybe like, “woopish”
Ricardo: I want it flush against the seawall – like, “keecesh”
After Ricardo tricked Kent into confusion about Clay’s gender.
Kent (through ICQ): “Straight up?! It’s a girl?”
Bill (installing a MMORPG): “Damn, even their installer is lagged.”
Warren (to Alex B.): “I’ve heard the miracle of your throat.”
Clay: “I miss my dongle.”
Dane (watching Chad unbox the new server machine): “That looks like something that should have a tribe of monkeys worshipping it…which is actually pretty much what will happen when you get the thing up and running.”
Kent: “I’ve been running around in my lap all day.”
William (digging through a box that came in the mail): “Whoa…LOTS of carnivorous mammals…”
Kent: “Terry has quick hands, he’s stripped me more times than I can count.”
Harvey: “How do you hide a pistol in a pair of panties? …Monte?”
Harvey: “Wow. Was that your stomach grumbling?”
Whitney: “No, lower.”
Kent (After a meal with particularly bad service): “I like bad service…it’s cheaper.”
Sarah: “There are good side effects to having the disposition of a cracked-out Chihuahua.”
Ricardo: “Damn, these banana chips smell WAY different than they taste. They smell kinda like feet. Guess I’m done with them.”
Kent: “So since you smelled them before you ate them, you originally wanted to taste feet?”
Whitney: “You’re so staid and unshakable, I admire that quality in a eunuch.”
Kent: “Do you have ICQ? If so, add me to your list. My number is XXXXXXX.”
Jared: “I don’t have a phone.”
Bill: “We got a good design resume, but the guy is 17 and he’s from Sweden.”
Harvey: “Is he hot?”
Steve: “People who own mobile homes should not be allowed to own tigers.”
Monte: “If you went to the bathroom in my house, I think you’d be pleasantly surprised.”
Kent (Months Later, After His First Visit To Monte’s Condo): “Dude, Monte was out of toilet paper. I can’t believe I had to wipe my ass with Kleenexes.”
Harvey: “I need a Magic 8 Ball filled with Joy Division lyrics.”
Steve: “For Friday the 13th Part 10, why don’t they just wait ’til Halloween falls on the 13th to release it?”
Ricardo: “Let me show you how to do this drag thing.”
Harvey: “Glasses, the ultimate form of birth control.”
Alex D: “I have a more effective form of birth control.”
Monte (looking at Alex’s posture girdle): “That thing on your back?”
Ricardo (watching as Alex sinks to the ground in amusement): “You’ve brought Alex to his knees.”
Harvey: “If I was a Jedi, damn! This studio would be run very differently.”
Harvey: “If you go to Germany, the people there look just like the people in Seattle except they all wear orange pants.”
Tara: “Pardon me while I lick my chopsticks.”
Alex D: “First Law of Programmers: A programmer must not harm the framerate or by omission of action allow the framerate to be harmed.”
Sarah: “We need to mite-bomb the couch in the design pit…it gave me a rash.”
Ricardo: “What’s that flowery smell?”
Bill: “I was lotioning up my knees…”
Sarah: “There’s plenty of time for sleep when you’re dead.”
Den: “You’ve got to get out in the woods for that kind of stuff, if you know what I mean.”
Sarah: “What!? The trash can in our game talks? I’m now being paid to write dialogue for trash cans.”
Harvey: “Welcome to the game industry.”
Sarah (later): “Okay, but if the urinals talk, I’m out of here.”
Harvey: “Man, I am sooo glad they included a pull-point for the pelvis.”
Chris: “It was a good idea on the webpage demo too.”
Monte: “It’s very hard to prove treason in court.”
Steve: “Oh, are you talking about that American guy fighting with the Taliban?”
Monte: “Yeah, I was reading that treason is hardly ever brought against anyone.”
Steve: “Dude. Whatever laws there are, his ass is cooked.”
Alex and Sarah (in unison, peering at corpse bobbing in the water): “Hmmm…”
Sarah: “I was just noticing how round the UNATCO troopers’ butts are.”
Alex D: “Yeah, me too.”
Sarah: “Is it a good thing or a bad thing that we both noticed it at the same time?”
Sarah: “Did you just call me ‘Missy?'”
Alex D: “Give me a break–I’m wearing cowboy boots.”
Tara: “As an FYI, my preferred method of communication with you all is the bullet point method. If you can’t break it down into bullet points, try again!”
Sarah (sniffing the air): “Did something die in the QA pit?”
Alex D: “Yes. Our hopes and dreams…”
Ricardo: “Damn dude, you’re in a bad mood today. You’re like a Sith Lord.”
Kent: “Yeah, Darth Mullet.”
Harvey: “If one of you guys dies on Christmas vacation, who will we make fun of?”
Steve: “The dead one.”
Chris: “We can’t have guards walking up to dead cats and saying, ‘Here, kitty-kitty…'”
Wolfy (poster on PlanetDeusEx after seeing a photo of Warren in a GameSpy interview):”THAT’S Warren Spector????? With such a cool name, I expected him to look like JC, at least!”
Warren: “I have some hand lotion in my office if you want to use some.”
Steve: “Did Harvey ever give you those Rifts books?”
Monte: “No, he gave them to Goodwill.”
Steve: “That sucks.”
Monte: “The funny thing about that is that Harvey has absolutely no f*cking good will.”
Tara: “When can get you me that schedule update?”
Whitney: “Maybe tonight, I’ll probably kick back with a bottle of wine and work on it.”
Steve: “You guys only know the pretentious Harvey. I know a different Harvey, the Harvey that will eat a donut off the f*cking floor.”
Greg: “There’s just not much you can do with a black glove…”
Harvey: “On his knees, Alex almost looks like a normal person.”
Kent: “The cowbell is the mullet of modern music.”
Harvey: “Such an obvious attempt to get into the quote file will never work”
Ricardo: “Dude, I’m the Bathroom Bodysnatcher.”
Sheldon: “We can’t let ourselves get eaten alive by the capitalist uroboros.”
(While playing a card game)
Paul: Are you saying you’re god?
Brian: Floods can’t stop god. They didn’t stop Noah and they won’t stop me.
Paul: Buddy, I knew Noah, and you’re no Noah.
Warren: Oh I get it, that’s irony.
Alex D.: Maybe, but the point was humor. Humor is the destination. Irony is merely the road.
Alex D.: Suddenly, I have this disturbing mental picture of two men from the Philippines, dressed up as candy machines, with large silicone breasts glued to the front, wailing on each other while belting out “My Way.”
Dave Reese: “People always want to rewrite and overdo everything because we are geeks and we like that sh*t.”
Sarah: “I want to know why we have a tag called Plus Death Death.”
Brian: “Like, as a kid, I learned basically that God was a nice, elderly gentleman who lived in outer space.”
Bill: “There aren’t very many quotes by me in the quote file.”
Steve: “Well, most of the quotes in there aren’t funny, so count it as a blessing.”
Chris: “Sex is cool color stuff that doesn’t convey anything useful to the player.”
Sarah: “Real DnD does all that sh*t too.”
Kent: “I think that the game tools meeting will be really fun. Seriously. It’s an interesting topic, and I bet that one or two tools will become better b/c of this one meeting. Synergy, baby.”
Sarah: “Synergy is how you get warts.”
Sheldon: “I think we can blow off fish and roaches. Roaches won’t squawk, I don’t think, and if you spook the fish you’re probably splashing around in the water and making noise anyway.”
Sheldon: “Given the huge number of NPCs the player is likely to meet during the game, we have piddling few important ones, and, of the important ones, half are senescent douchebags from the first game, like Tracer Tong.”
Sarah: “By the way, why is the statue emerald? Is this a Wizard of Oz thing or what?”
Kent: “It’s just a rough idea. Nothing’s set in stone.”
Sarah: “Ha ha. Very punny. Maybe we can get Gene Hackman to do the voice acting for Saman.”
Kent: “Yeah, Gene Hackman would be awesome. And his name implies a familiarity with DX. You know, Gene ‘Hack’man…”
Sarah: “You’re just on a roll, aren’t you?”
Chris: “Being drunk is just like having a really low framerate”
Warren: “It takes me 5 years to hire someone truly incompetent!”
Sheldon: “At least your gnomes aren’t getting medieval on anybody’s ass.”
Monte: “Do you ever stop b*tching?”
Harvey: “Only when I’m dead.”
Kent: “If this isn’t the pot calling the kettle as black as a trillion midnights…”
Sheldon: “Six WTF’s are probably enough.”
Sheldon: “Only for death moans, no talking.”
Jay: “I’m not in the quote file dude.”
Bill: “Sure you are, there is that one about dropping a penny to find you.”
Jay: “Aww man – that isn’t even funny. At least it’s true.”
Kent: “But if you REQUIRE the player to roll for this spell, then you’re discriminating against players with no hands. Or against players who cannot afford dice.”
Harvey: “If you ever have no hands, I am going to laugh at you.”
Harvey (to Monte): “How many months of therapy could you buy with the money it’ll cost to have all your f*cking teeth pulled out?”
Monte: “Speaking of hypocrites, where’s Ricardo?”
Monte: “Back me up if I’m saying something wrong.”
Sheldon: “My one ambition is to become a stay-at-home dad. With a nanny.”
Ricardo: “I was here at 8:45 this morning.”
Harvey: “I was working out then.”
Ricardo: “That’s not working.”
Harvey: “But working out makes me a better worker, so I should get paid for it.”
Kent: “Dude, you can abstract that out to any activity in your life.”
Harvey: “Man, if I could just get paid for having sex, b/c it makes me a better worker, .”
Kent: “What, instead of having to pay for sex?”
Alex: “Has anyone seen Jay around?”
Kent: “If you cant find him, just drop a penny.”
Tara: “I’m going to have to get drunk just to sleep there…”
Harvey: “That’s just lame, rude and unprofessional.”
Warren: “I can’t argue with that, but it’s just a fact that “Lame” and “Human” often go hand-in-hand. Or am I just too cynical?”
Harvey: “We have to strike a balance between empathizing with the flawed human natures of the people around us and kicking these slugs in the ass until they do their jobs.”
Kent: “Hey, man, how’s your leg? Your hamstring feeling okay?”
Stan: “It’s pretty much better, though I still can’t bend over like I usually do.”
John H.: “Jason’s Deli can’t do vegetarian. I always either get bacon or a raw unwashed carrot shoved in a bun.”
Nate: “As long as a woman isn’t cleaning the urinal I’m peeing into, I’m fine with that.”
Doug: “That is an unfortunate portal selection by our friend the automatic portal generator. A 4.2 from the East German judge…”
Alex C.: “Jeremy, why do you have that funny smile on your face?”
Jeremy: “I’m trying to break the silence.”
Alex D: “Oh turret, we loved thee so,
But thy gun did fire too slow,
And thy physics it sank too low.
So, dear turret, you’ve got to go.”
John Talley: “What happened to that model?!”
Whitney: “God rolled the dice and we lost.”
Kent: “Which side of the street has the odd-numbered addresses?”
Ricardo: “The odd numbers are always on the left side of the street.”
Kent: “What if you’re driving the other way down the street?”
Ricardo: “Ummmm…”
Bill: “Scheduling a Movie stuff were the top things on my list for the rest of the week.”
Harvey: “That and butchering the English language.”
Sarah: “Dead people make me horny.”
Chris: “Next week we will have UI virgins…”
Stan: “Next week, we have Blue Oyster Cult playing in Dallas.”
Kent: “I take it you’re going?”
Stan: “Is a pig’s ass pork? Of course I’m going!”
Monte: “Does Long John Silver’s have any food that isn’t fried?”
Kent: “Dude, you can’t even get a SOFT DRINK that isn’t fried at LJS.”
Jeremy: “Dude, you should get a, like, bio computer. It’s a computer, but it’s like,uh…f*ckin’ bio. You feed it nutrients and sh*t.”
Sarah: “How did we get from ‘crizzie-crotch and don’t have no boobies’ to ‘biomod substrate maintains the telomere length of a cell’s chromosomes’ in the same conversation?!”
Jim: “You actually go out and pick the stuff or you have your own garden?”
Monte: “No, I get it at Whole Foods, but that’s a quest in itself.”
Dave: “That’s because the nerds melt in sunlight.”
Harvey: “Are you guys too worn out, or do you want to do Ricardo too?”
Harvey: “All I know is that I get a better workout in a gay gym.”
Harvey: “If you’re working late, we can order crunch food…”
Sarah: “Can we order crunch methamphetamines?”
Greg: “Man, I saw the Executioners (hip-hop group) on some show and they had their band way in the back where you couldn’t see them. All you could see were these three guys up front, waving their arms with microphones…at least give them a tangerine or something!”
Whitney: “Okay, let’s go ahead and make that 12.”
Jeremy: “Twizzie-twelve?”
Whitney: “No. Just twelve.”
Doug: “Currently, Ted is working on three of the top five of the top ten list.”
Sheldon: “Thanks for the speedy turnaround on those characters.”
Kent: “Ogburn is my middle name. But if my parents had had any f—king foresight, it would have been ‘Speedy Turnaround.'”
Paul: “I want to grab the giant squid by his root and point him at the player.”
Monte: “Oh, and guess who invented the black market augs?”
Kent: “Oh, you invented those?”
Monte: “Yeah. I’m not necessarily saying that I invented the black market itself though…”
Jeremy (after getting a haircut): You should have seen the amount of hair that surrounded my barber chair–it looked like 3 or 4 large gerbils exploded…
Monte: “That’s totally out of kilter.”
Sarah: “Tong is ageless and timeless…like elegant wood paneling.”
Sarah: “The demo awareness biomod…is that the mod that gives us foreknowledge of when Eidos is going to demand demos?”
Bill: “Kent’s dumps are different than Ricardo’s dumps. They might find something different in Ricardo’s dumps than they would in Kent’s.”
Kent: “There’s English, and then there’s Monte English – ‘The The helicopter that Ava Brown under orders of Tracer Tong has landed here hoping to get to one of the lab rats.'”
Bill: “I don’t want to get forced into using the Taiwanese people…”
Harvey: “If we want to ship in June, we need to have a completely playable game (albeit still in need of polish and tuning) by June 30th.”
Chris: “Who the hell inverted the up-down joystick in the latest build?”
Alex Duran: “I did.”
Chris: “What the f*ck?!?! This isnt a flight sim! The player does not have flaps!”
Ricardo (Working on Monte’s map): “Dude, this closet is as big as my freakin living room!”
Monte: “It’s not my fault your living room is so small.”
Harvey: Currently, the docs still show maps that we cut. Can you guys take a moment to update your docs?
Kent: Maybe One New Task Exists
Bill: Frequently Is Reprimanded–Expired Documentation
Harvey: Can’t Hide Incompetence. Can’t Kill Entropy. No Drive, Really. And Can’t Understand Language. Assmonkey.
Monte: “Man, I struggle enough with my grammar without having Hudson help me out.”
Chris: “Cinematic conversations will spawn the appropriately sexed puppets.”
Harvey: “…then you have a lot of players like Terrell Davis who come out and have a few great seasons and then blow out their ACLU.”
Clay: “Hey, Kent, if you want to set up a beam that sets off the alarm and cameras, is that the red, green, or yellow beam?”
Nathan: “NPC’s don’t leak memory when they are dead.”
Harvey: “How can we get his contact info?”
Bill: “I have his package.”
Pam: “Maybe it’s me, but that sounded…funny.”
Monte: “I’m practically at death’s bed..”
Sarah: “The meeting was BEFORE the Todd-toaster-cheese incident…so unless there’s some olfactory time warp in his office, the stink was coming from another undetermined source…”
Alex Duran: “So we’re working on head bob. Obviously, we need something that indicates movement of the player, and head bob is a somewhat traditional way of doing it. But I personally don’t like it, and it makes a lot of players motion sick, and they turn it off, and lose the sense. I generally much prefer weapon bob.”
Jerm: “This works in the case of normal movement, but what about movement modes that have no user arms? Like mantling and climbing?”
Pete: “That’s when we’ll have ‘silent bob’.”
Monte: “I only want to see my own penis. And even that scares me a little bit.”
Bill: “Warren’s under a lot of pressure right now, out there amongst the weasels.”
Brian Sharp: “I have to admit that I have not understood a single thing that has been said in a while…”
Sheldon: “My heart skipped a beat, but, yes, grays have power-up barks written, imported, and probably recorded.”
Chris: “You got the fuzzy end of the lollipop on that one…”
Monte: “You are about to get a bad kind of banana shake.”
Harvey: “Is there such a thing?”
Monte: “Yes there is. Have you ever seen ‘Deliverance’?”
Brian Sharp: “Damn…I wonder why the toilets aren’t drawing in flesh?”
Steve (Temporarily reverting to Monte-English): “Dave’s a weird guy, he’s a different drummer.”
Pete: “What kind of interface would you like to see for this kind of interface?”
Kent: “Where does the hate come from, Steve?”
Steve: “Dude, I have a f*cking PACKMULE full of hate that just follows me around.”
John Talley (after a particularly inane conversation): “This is why I don’t come and talk to you guys much.”
Alex D: “That’s why we talk this way.”
Nathan: “This is like a typical day where I live.”
John Talley: “This is like a typical day where I live too, but that’s because I have a two year old.”
Sarah: “I am cannibal-vegetarian…I will BBQ an employee if there is no veggie option.”
Tara (during the holiday break): “If you are one of the few who are here today, please drop me a line to let me know what you are working on this week. Please note: I am working on the game this week is not acceptable…”
Alex Brandon: “So I wrote two alternate pieces for this map. A commando-military song and an ethereal song. Not sure which one is appropriate.”
Harvey: “Well, you’re either going there to kill a scientist or steal some weapon plans. Not to sell Amway.”
Bill: “Selling Amway comes in Mission Three…”
Chris Cobb (On his first day): “How goes DX2?”
Kent: “DX2 is busy, frantic, seat-of-the-pants.”
Chris Cobb: “So I hear! And I hear you are quite the outspoken pain in the ass over there!”
Ian: “I don’t care what code we write, as long as we know what we’re writing.”
Chris: “It was noticeably better when it was all working.”
Harvey: “Wow…I am honestly too embarassed to ask Tara if I can use the printer in her office to print out my DnD character sheet.”
Kent: “Warren doesn’t like me.”
Bill: “What are you talking about? He thinks of you as a son.”
Kent: “Yeah, a son of a b*tch.”
Monte: “I’m scared to play gay chicken with Steve.”
Kent: “Steve, aren’t you white?”
Steve: “Only on the outside, cracka.”
Ricardo (in email): “Sounds good to me. I agree with Christ about possibly waiting.”
Ricardo (later, in email): “Wow. I called Chris, Christ.”
Harvey: “If Christ were heading up this programming team, we might not be running late.”
Monte (Re: Male/Female Player Character): “We should make the player character hydrogynous.”
Monte: “Alex is just a computer with sniffles.”
Harvey (interrupting a meeting): “I’d really like to go to the restroom now. Does anyone have my shoe?”
Chris: “It’s not blocking anything…except shipping.”
Harvey: “That’s the kind of thing that won’t be supported if you don’t support it, but it will be if you do.”
Steve: “I’m reading that it takes 3,000 a MONTH to feed a tiger.”
Brian Glines: “Holy sh*t. What do they feed them?”
Clay:: “Transients.”
Chris: “Do we maybe want a new attachment type that’s like “flaccid attachment” or something, that auto-instantiates down the object, but doesn’t restrict its movement?”
Kent (Handing Chris an unopened fortune cookie): “Within lies the future of our project.”
Chris (Reading fortune cookie): “You have great patience.”
Harvey: “AI LOD. Phonetically, that’s practically Elvish.”
Steve: “R40 is 40 rand, the primary note of currency in South Africa. Inyanga is a traditional Zulu term for shaman or witch doctor. The sjambok is a (usually) non lethal short whip used by South African police. Make room for my brain, people.”
Monte: “I don’t believe in incest. Because I don’t have a sister.”
Bill: “The datavault isn’t a suppository of information.”
Chris: “I did the initial implementation of that…it was just an assload of raycasting.”
Monte: “Oh, this is supposed to be the new interface, but it f*cking looks like the old one.”
Steve: “You know why? Because the interface sensed the boiling pot of urine that is your attitude and said ‘I’m not showing my face.'”
Monte: “I knew you were gonna say some bullsh*t.”
Kent: “If you were going to be stranded on a desert island and could only have one hip-hop CD with you, what would it be?”
Monte: “I don’t know. Are there any lesbian rappers?”
Clay (March 19, 2003, 7:00 PM Eastern Time): “Anyone wanna go get a burrito with me before the war?”
Tara: “Dane…you’re not broken. Forgive Harvey.”
Steve: “Hey, are you staying late tonight?”
Kent: “Nah, I’m gonna try to be out of here by 8:30 or 9:00.”
Steve: “Oh, so you’re not hardcore….”
Kent: “Actually, I’m so hardcore that I’m not behind schedule.”
Warren: “Anyone know a good physical therapist who’s part of our PPO plan? If you’ve had a good experience, let me know.”
Warren (Later): “Enough people have asked about “my” injury and expressed some concern about my health. I’m fine. I need to find a physical therapist for my lovely wife, Caroline, who through some combination of ballroom dance, pilates, and working out in the gym downstairs, has managed to wrench her shoulder all out of whack. Thanks for the kind thoughts, though.”
Dave Reese: “Actually Warren, they were asking because we had a 100-per-head office pool going on who would be the first person at the company to strain their eyes looking at porn. Most of the money is on Monte, but you were a close second.”
Tyler: “Dude stop staring at her ass”
Bill: “Hold on, I was sure I saw verts flying out”
Monte: “Steve, tell me a story.”
Steve: “f*ck you.”
Ricardo (Singing): “R-E-S-P-E-T-C!”
Harvey: “We’ll hit higher than we would’ve if we’d shot lower.”
Brady: “I’ve got road rage worse than anybody.”
Monte: “Yeah, but you drive a motorcycle. What can you do with that?”
Brady: “Follow ’em home.”
Todd: “Have any of you guys noticed that the game seems to crash a whole lot?”
Harvey: “A full week for the gray AI?”
David Kalina: “…They’re aliens, dude.”
Jerm: “I’ve written the code so that it robustly doesn’t crash.”
Bill (in the bug database): “This concrete floor texture has too strong of a normal map texture, making it appear to be made out of paper machete. Brian, please give us the name of the texture.”
Jim: “We should address this at art pass when it’s been properly lit.”
Brian Glines: “The shader name is m1hubinc_hallfloor1. And I’d say it looks closer to papier-mache than a paper machete.”
Bill: “The bug db is very intermittent. Sometimes it flies, sometimes it is like a dog digging in quicksand.”
Time-travelling Tara: “Did you guys discuss our issues and how we’re going to meet Greg’s goals yesterday?”
Harvey: “I’m the most happy-go-lucky motherf*cker at this company.”
Tara (to the frantic Bill): “Relax, b*tch, I’m on it!”
Harvey: “Monte’s in there taking one of his ribbon-thin dumps. He’s probably sh*tting pure mercury.”
Kent: “When he’s done with a dump it looks like the T-1000 died in the toilet.”
Clay:: “I had a UPS delivery the other day that was signed for by someone named Ruiz. I don’t know a Ruiz that works here — do you? If someone here has my delivery, please let me know before I call UPS and this gets ugly.”
Mark Lampert: “Isn’t Todd’s middle name Ruiz? It’s on his car’s back window in big Old English letters anyway.”
Monte: “We have 16 weeks left…plenty of time.”
Harvey: “Let’s add vehicles back in.”
Brian Glines: “That’d be pretty damned lame in our game, driving a car down a hallway.”
Harvey (Company-Wide Page): “Denise, we’re going to do it in the conference room. There are couches in there.”
Ricardo: “Bill, I might not come in tomorrow until after 12.”
Steve: “Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, Bill, I have to wait at my house tomorrow, we’re taking delivery of a king-size mattress between 8 and 12.”
Bill: “Is that why you’re coming in late, Ricardo?”
Jay Lee: “That’s what i told them on the first game…don’t just have one or two people (in a scene). Have several, then it’ll look like a lot of people.”
Chris (Temporarily reverting to Martenglish): “Horizontical…”
John Talley, sighing deeply: “There’s so many things that just…suck.”
Monte: “Yeah, I’m trying to fix it so there aren’t just a bunch of people running around on the track. Right now it just looks like a Benny Hill episode.”
Steve: “You don’t know the depth of my agony.”
Monte: “Have you seen my toe?”
Sarah (responding to a very bad set of interview questions): “You are a woman. Or a man. The goal is to win the, game. We highly value the cinematics and the feel. Gameplay is intuitive without being linear. In both eventualities you can play the game well, you illiterate louts.”
Kent: “What’s jujitsu?”
Kain: “Have you ever had one of those dreams where you’re hitting someone and they don’t feel anything and they just keep laughing at you?”
Kent: “No, but I’ve had dreams where I’m humping someone and they don’t feel anything and they just keep laughing at me.”
Sheldon: “If it’s all right, I’d like to be in the booth with Saman during the 10am meeting.”
Sarah: “I can’t decide if I want this to mess up again. If it does, then at least the bug is reproducible. If it doesn’t, then I have to live in fear of the next random crash.”
Sheldon: “At least with random fear we can keep working….”
Harvey (email): “just out of curiosity, let me know (without spamming the entire company) if you have a personal website that you maintain.”
Tara (email): “If you’ve got 6.95 a month you can check it out…”
Chris: “It was dumber and less horrible than we thought.”
Harvey: “Where’s Monte?”
Dave Reese (pointing to Monte sitting in the room): “He’s camouflaged as a normal person today.”
Elan: “Shakespeare was complaining about this same thing 400 years ago.”
Ricardo: “Who?”
Elan: “Shakespeare—the English dramatist.”
Denise: “I’ve got to do a couple of lines and then I’ll be right back…for audio, I mean, not coke.”
Harvey: “We’re not cutting the f*cking penquin!”
Greg C (talking about character models): “Man, females are a problem, dude.”
Clay:: “Test Track is at it’s limits.”
Harvey: “So is your grammar.”
Harvey: “All designers should look at this list in this bug and make sure it’s still up to date.”
Brian S: “Never underestimate any one employee’s ability to cause damage.”
Greg C (exasperated): “Well, how hard is that, Jay…make a round square on the end.”
Elan: “Hey…smell my salsa.”
Monte: “You sound like my girlfriend.”
Tara: “I’d bet the cases of strep throat, whooping cough, meningitis, tonsillitis, etc in this office go up now that we have the community scooters. Spector has just doomed the project with his little contraptions.”
Sergio: “That’s our problem here…too much thinkin’ goin’ on.”
Monte (Reading Spam Mail): “Wow! You can get Viagra at half price!”
Brian Glines (Dies In A Playthrough): “f*ck!”
Monte: “What, did you just buy some?”
Wendy: “Dude, don’t yell at me. ”
David Reese: “I’m not yelling at you…I’m yelling at the world.”
Alex D: “I typed ‘nukeall’ on mercenary district (to kill all pawns) and LinMayChen sent me a DL: ‘Excellent, you’ve done much to bring peace to this part of the city…'”
Harvey (at the cheats console): “Paul, type ‘blind’ for me.”
Paul E: “What does ‘blind’ do?”
Harvey: “…it makes it so that they can’t see.”
Alex Duran: “Is the puppet sexed instead of the player?”
Dave Reese: “All this talk about puppet sex is starting to make me wet.”
Monte: “We should get an office Flowbee.”
Clay:: “Monte, even if we did I doubt your haircuts would look any different.”
TestTrack: “Session Dropped!”
Tom Bonner: “Are you having any trouble with map loads?”
Jon Savinelli: “If the map will load, no…”
Warren: We can have absolutely no cursing in the quote file”
Bill: “There is none – trust me…”
