Deus Ex Quotes - "I guess you had to be there"

Chris: I had to get up early... once.

Albert: When I say 'sh*t' it doesn't always mean something's wrong.

Warren: I'm sorry I created this bad machine. (*cough*) (*cough*)

Warren: Poof! I am God.

Steve: You would think that playing D&D all night with a guy who smells like salami would make you hungry, but it doesn't.

Dave: There comes a level of nerdiness when you can discern the difference between mouse pad surfaces. I have not yet reached that level.

Anon: Hey. Is there something wrong? Would you like a bite?

Steve: Singing while you work seems like one of those dwarf things that never really caught on with us big people.

Steve: Screw precision mousing surfaces, we have precise mousers.

Michael: Why did you try to pick that guy up?
Dave: I thought he was a little boy.

Steve: The only problem with an online community is that there are people in it.

Warren: In #4, add half-naked workers to the asset list.

Harvey: Hey Monte, do you read much?
Monte: What? Books?

Rob: (daily report, 7/29/98) Hugh and I got the GM_Tshirt_shorts, GM_Tshirt_Pants, and GM_PoloPants into the Unreal engine. Made minor modifications to the Hit_Back animation cycle for GM and applied changes to all the variations. Updated Sarah_Mead. And I boned a naked chick in my office while Jeff watched.

Marsh: Hey, go shoot something in the head and see what it looks like.

Chris: Hey, look! He sh*ts shells!

Scott: How come I'm always the one on top?!

Steve: Women just don't seem to be as funny as men.
Harvey: Men have to be funny to score.
Steve: Well, I think you're pretty funny.
Monte: Uh-oh, you guys have me worried.
Steve: Why? You're not funny.

Chris: Dead guys don't float but they will, eventually.

Warren: If we get a bunch of rats and pigeons in the appropriate places, people will sh*t.

Harvey: The Statue of Liberty does not look like the Statue of Liberty without that giant f*cking green statue on top.

Monte: This missile is pissing me off.

Dan: I like nuts, just not in food.

Steve: If you put a rubber-ball-gag in a dog's mouth and screw it, you ARE that weird.

Jay: I endorse anything that is cheap...

Scott: What were we talking about again? Oh yeah, Alzheimer's.

Marshall: I like to be a mage.

Monte: (talking to Clay about Harvey) If he's not hairy enough for you just rub some Rogaine on his back.

Steve: (in a funk) Fish is supposed to be brain food man. That's bullsh*t.
Harvey: Fish is, but I don't think queso is.

Dan: Women are very high poly count.

Dan: Cool! I smell like naked people.

Chris: If he gets really puffy, can we poke him?

Dan: From far enough away, everyone is cute.

Tim to Albert: You've found an interesting way to break the script compiler.

Chris: You are f*cking up my automated process.

Warren: Wait a minute -- this is a dialogue rather than a flame. Cool.

Monte: Movers suck.

Albert: I'm not afraid of your paper balls!

Harvey: (watching Marshall try to cut a very hard ice cream cake) Wow, Marsh, that took all of your geek muscle!

Warren to Dan: All I have to do is cock this once, and your ass is MINE.

Warren to Dan: I have to get upstairs real quick and get this hair off my pie.

Christian: I'm going to shoot this right in his butt.

Albert: Wash one little boobie, wash two little boobies...

Leesa: Everywhere I turned, it was Marshall in the rear!

Warren: Did you say something about the boss's banana?

Harvey: Executives who don't give out Christmas bonuses should sleep lightly.

Leesa: (trying to say 'turn out the lights' in GeekSpeak) Make the lights default!

Russ: Symmetry is overrated.

Steve: (raking furiously in his desktop Zen Garden) I'm raking but it's not working.
Harvey: It's either the Zen Garden or the Glock.
Monte: Sand is flying everywhere.

Monte: I could have just thrown my mobility-assistance monkey into that drunk guy's car and screamed, ASSMONKEY KILL!

Harvey: Man, this shirt is hot.
Monte: Well, just take it off.
Harvey: What? And have you spring on me from behind with a bottle of Rogaine?

Warren to Dan: When we ship, THEN you'll be allowed to touch my stuff.

Monte: Raz me in the booty.

Chris: Don't let an artist tell you that it doesn't matter.

Dan: Warren has a great rack!

Harvey: Oh man, women do not like being called hippos!

Clay: Man, Monte, your work has gotten a lot better.
Monte: It's the Ex-lax.

Warren to Dan: This Big Boy's got your name on it.

Stan: It's like a pimple they can't reach around to pop.

Rob: People. Shoot 'em, kill 'em!

Chuck to Dan: May I borrow your wallet so that I may go pee?

Harvey: F*ck that! F*ck being agonized by Mr. Spock!

Katie the waitress at Artz Rib House: You guys order like a bunch of girls! (referring to the high maintenance orders of Russ, Steve, Harvey, Warren, Dan and Monte)

Peter to Michael: I don't think I've ever seen you in pants before.

Warren: ...and then I took him home.

Monte: I'm not that homophobic... I hang out with all of you, don't I?

Harvey: It's like swimming in a giant, boiling urinal.

Warren: I got something hard.

Rob: That damn suit skirt babe - her ass kept poop-poop-pooping out the back of her skirt.

Monte: I don't want nudists, I want lingerieists.

Harvey: I've been here so long, I can't even take pleasure in web porn anymore.

Warren: Demi Moore sounds like a frog.

Warren: Pull that out again and walk around.

Scott: I need to get a vibrator.

Harvey: Didn't I tell you that yesterday was a day of great sex?
Monte: Yeah, but how does that help us?
Monte: (after pondering a moment) I guess it does help us because you aren't being such a bitch.

Harvey: That goat looked up and said 'Holy sh*t'!

Warren: Well, this is a paradigmatic problem!
Everyone else in the room laughs hard.
Warren: What? That's a word! It is!

Harvey: Killing people... not a problem.

Warren: We don't want to educate people unnecessarily.

Jay: So, which hooker did you use?

Chris: Once again, here's my standard disclaimer for those who have forgotten it: All art/effects/sounds in the game may or may not be final. All art/effects/sounds in the game will be cleaned up and polished during a tweak/polish pass to be started at a much later date.

Bob: Death definitely improves one's frame rate.

Chris: Now I want to go home and play with my joystick.

Monte: How come the spiderbot still... oh f*ck... oh sh*t... ahhhh.

Monte: (playing System Shock 2, struggling) Gosh dang bees in this game are f*cking gay.

Chris: Shut up! Just talk!

Monte: Clay and I can't play Quake on the internet servers anymore. It just ends up being all about who can backstab the most feebs in the shortest amount of time.

Scott to Peter: You have a very big package.

Monte: Hear that? That's the sound of the inside of Ricky Williams's colon...

Chris: When you want to do it, I'll show you how to do it.

Chris: Math is so cool. Hooray for math!

Harvey: So pure north is always east?
Chris: It's not east, it's zero!

Tim Sweeney to Albert: This sounds like the kind of mistake I would make! If we were physicists, we'd discover the grand unification of physics, but get the sign wrong. : )

Monte: I just wanted the biggest shaft in the game.

Warren: Chad wants you.
Chris: He'll have to wait about five minutes.
Warren: You'll have to beat him off.

Monte to Harvey: Read your email before you start bitching.

Harvey: The player is like a girl in a bar...
Doug Church: Yeah, she wants to believe the lies.

Ricardo: Just because a chick has a knife in her purse does not mean that she has a dick...

Monte: You want me to rub your ribs with my... chicken?

Harvey: Look, Monte "Three Dumps A Day" Martinez is heading for the bathroom.
Monte: Yes, and once I'm there I'm going to create a special pokemon just for you.

Ricardo: Monte, what should the start-up text for my sub mission be?
Monte: Forgive me for this game-play?

Peter: There is some Tupperware in the fridge that has stuff in it older than the Tupperware. If it is still there tomorrow, it is going to Tupperware hell.

Monte: (who spent the entire prior day working on a single forklift in UnrealEd) Hey, I reworked Area51...
Ricardo: Yeah, now you kill the bad guy with a forklift.

Bob: (with enthusiasm) Ooh! I want that military guy!

Unknown: World domination is eminent.

Warren: (writing up a bug) Bots that aren't actively engaged in some kind of activity look pretty lifeless.

Scott to Albert: If you give me my balls back, I'll give you your rubber.

Chad to Monte: You are going to get a boob-job for your Real Doll?

Scott: You can gib a child with one stroke of the nanosword!
Chris: That's because children have fewer hit points. They are inferior and weak.

Steve: I have a good sense of humor, I just don't laugh a lot.

Chris: There isn't much in the AI revision list except for the really critical stuff.

Peter: When you drink the booze the screen goes all funny. This is dumb. Can't you just make JC less coordinated or something. Sh*t if that happened to me after drinking a f*cking beer... I'd have aids by now.

Warren to Albert: You can tweak them in the nipples, but no butt grabbing.

Albert: Get the f*ck out of me!

Steve: Setting the AI reactions for a giant spiderbot is pretty easy... hate, hate, hate, hate.

Warren to Albert: I give you magazines to read, don't give me sh*t.

Harvey: Hitting my G-Spot is not all that hard. It's this big purple knob out in front of me.

Steve: Saying 'I was here until 4: 30 in the morning' is the nerd equivalent of the purple heart.

Steve: I got my leg blown off yesterday and I really didn't notice anything different.

Warren: (describing a bug in Daikatana) Mikiko runs off down the hall, and you have to use her a random number of times before she'll come to.

Warren: ...and now my wife wants me to dress that way all the time.

Harvey: It's a good thing that I'M the one deciding whether it's time to lick balls or not.

Warren: You don't have to stand here and watch, I'll keep beating on it.

Austin to Chris Todd: You're really putting the grimness into this game.

Chris: Come on, vibrate, damn you!

Andy: Hey Warren, I would actually buy this game now...

Andy: The karkians look like big potatos with legs, potato dogs!

Albert: (referring to Warren) He's pacing around like a pregnant father.


"Paranoia means having all the facts." -- William S. Burroughs